The Man in the Hallway

The man in the hallway has chosen now to start banging on things. At least, I assume he's a man because you so rarely see women doing manual labor. I'm not saying it doesn't ever happen but you'll have to agree with me that it is indeed rare. Get off my case OK? I'm not going out there to check to see what gender this person is. And since I'm not going out there I can only imagine what he's banging on that couldn't have been banged on earlier in the day, when I wasn't reading in my living room and listening to some late period Beethoven string quartets, which by the way, are not accompanied particularly well by banging. I can only imagine the man is probably banging some nails into the wall for some reason, although it's hard for me to picture why that would be necessary in an unadorned hallway in a New York City apartment building. What would nails be needed for? Are they going to hang pictures? In the stairwell? I hardly think so. The banging now seems louder and closer, almost as if this man has specifically directed all of this banging at me; the sole purpose of this racket is to annoy me! What did I do to this guy? Now it's so close that I can almost feel it inside my own head, his heavy hot sweaty breathing on my neck, his cigarette breath wafting unpleasantly up my goddamned nostrils. He smells like hell this guy. Take a shower pal! Can no one in the whole building besides me hear this shit? Can't someone go out there and tell him to come back later at a more reasonable time? This is not a reasonable time! It's 7:30!!! PM! Surely someone else is just sitting down to dinner and just wants a second's peace! How can anyone tolerate this outrage? Now the floor is shaking and the plaster is crumbling from the walls. It feels like nails, long sharp nails are being driven into my skull by this mutant, this awful man who just has no consideration! No consideration whatsoever for other people's peace of mind! That's it, I am going out there to confront this person; I don't care how big he is, I am going to punch him in his goddamned idiot head! He deserves it! He fucking deserves it! Once I'm done punching him the first time I may just punch him again, that's how worked up I am. But wait, now it's stopped. Finally it seems to have stopped completely. Now that I am worked up beyond belief. Did he come here just to get me mad? It appears so. The nerve of this guy. I am going to call the building people and complain. The building people should know better. It's a good thing I am patient. The building people will regret this whole thing come Monday.



UPDATE: There is no evidence of anything in the hallway which would have necessitated 45 minutes of banging noises.