A Letter of Request to Me from My Cats

Dear Sir,

It is of tantamount importance that you release us from the confines of this room. I know that only several minutes ago I may have given every indication that it was crucially important that we enter this very same room, but regrettably the circumstances have changed, and quite rapidly. I'm afraid I must urgently request that we be let out forthwith.

I understand my policies on these matters have not always been in concert with each other, and I understand that may have caused some confusion on your part. I can sympathize with the fact that you only just let us into the room at my insistence, and my timing probably could have been better than to have made this current request just as you were drifting off to sleep following my having interrupted your sleeping only several minutes ago with my previous request to be let in.

Nonetheless I cannot let these missteps prevent me from taking immediate action on the matter. Like a Republican senator asking for stimulus money, I cannot let the appearance of contradiction stop me from doing what is right for us right now.

I tried crawling under the door for about a minute and a half but that has not yielded favorable results: the space underneath the door is prohibitively small.

Perhaps if you would make it a habit to leave the door open that would be an agreeable compromise for all, (though I've been lead to believe by various clues in your behavior that your policy of shutting the door is in order to prevent my brother and I from darting in and out of the room while engaging in play-fighting (and regular fighting) throughout the entire duration of your sleep time.)

While I can't make any solid guarantees, I can assure you that my brother and I will do our best to abide by this decision for as long as possible.

Thank you for your consideration.

Jackpot J. Munch (of the Southampton Munches).

Another In a Series of Letters to Me from My Cats


I see you over there. Glaring at me scornfully. On the verge of scolding me. Trying to change my "behavior". Just because I am currently eating my brother's vomit does not give you the right to judge me, sir.

I am hungry, damn you. The fact that I just ate two thirds a can of cat food does nothing to change my hunger. Besides, cat food is not quite so delicious as vomit. I am not sure why but my brother really knows how to produce some sublimely exquisite vomit. I must say I enjoy every savory bite.

In these days of recession (and possible depression forthcoming) I would think I should be applauded for choosing to carry out this vomit-eating as I am. My hunger has now been soothed for at least the next several hours.

I am writing to demand an immediate apology and your blessing to continue eating vomit.

Sincerly Yours,
Nikolas J. Munch (of the Southampton Munches)