Jake Zavracky Writes About This Week's Hot 100, Millions Rejoice Part 2.

In 2018 I will answer the burning question in every American's mind: What does Jake Zavracky think about this weeks top ten? I will answer this question bi-weekly. You're welcome America. Now these successful millionaires will feel the sting of my barbs and it will probably challenge them to do better, which is my aim.


1. Perfect: Ed Sheeran Duet With Beyonce

How much Ed Sheeran is too much Ed Sheeran? I guess it's up to America to decide. Personally I would have given up a long time ago.

2. Havana: Camila Cabello Featuring Young Thug

This song may never make it to number one because it's continually being cock-blocked by horrible songs, which is not exactly a travesty as travesties go but it still seems unfair.

3 Finesse - Bruno Mars & Cardi B

Bruno Mars is cheesy, but the best kind of cheesy. Usually someone combing through the history of R&B and imitating it would be boring but he executes it so well and with so much electricity, he makes it very easy to sign on. With "Finesse" we're in a late 80's/early 90's Bobby Brown/Janet Jackson/Jam and Lewis vibe - gated reverb, swing 16th notes, key bass, multi-layered harmonies. Cardi B nails the Salt n' Pepa/TLC rap breaks. Fun stuff.

4 Rockstar - Post Malone Featuring 21 Savage

I don't know how many songs there are that have been called "Rockstar" but it's now one too many. There are lots of words out there people, let's find some other ones.

5 No Limit - G-Eazy Featuring A$AP Rocky & Cardi B

I don't think this song is that great but it's different enough to make itself stand out among the 57 hip hop songs in the Hot 100 that all sound exactly the same. And by "different enough" I mean a "little tiny bit different".

6 Thunder - Imagine Dragons

This band does not make me imagine dragons. It makes me imagine a group of dudes with wispy mustaches hanging out at a gas station drinking Mountain Dew.

7 Bad At Love - Halsey

This song is weird because Halsey describes some ex-boyfriends who sound like a bunch of jerks and then comes to the conclusion that she's the one that's bad at love.

8 Too Good At Goodbyes - Sam Smith

I love Sam Smith but this song is some sliced cheese that was left out overnight and is hard on the sides.

9 Filthy - Justin Timberlake

As much admiration as I have for Timberlake, I've always found it a little hard to buy the part of his act where he speaks in urban colloquialisms - from the time he was very young he was, as most people know, a cast member of the Mickey Mouse Club, which is not typically a source of street cred. It feels appropriation-y to me, not to mention unnecessary because his songs can easily stand on their own without that.

10 MotorSport - Migos, Nicki Minaj & Cardi B

Like nearly all the hip hop in the top 10 recently, this song is unimaginative by-the-numbers nonsense with boilerplate production, charting high while more creative R&B and hip hop artists always seem to be found much further down the list, or, more likely, not on it at all, but that's basically business as usual on the pop charts and it has been forever.